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December 23rd 2018
In the Times on Boxing Day every year, Patrick Kidd selects a few carols that have been rewritten by readers to reflect topical events of the year. I have had a go at one, which I suspect won't make the cut - due to length, if nothing else - so I hope he won't mind me reproducing it here. Merry Christmas!

[Edit - looks like I was wrong!]

Gareth Southgate's last shoot-out
Left the nation reeling:
Germany knocked England out
On a summer evening.
Southgate got the blame that night,
Though the loss was cruel
To the poor men not in white
In that Wembley duel.

Whither, then, from Wem-ber-ley,
With the tears still welling?
Waddle, Pearce & ITV:
Pizza needed selling.
Years of being good and nice,
(Mixed with relegation),
He replaced Sam Allardyce
Managing the nation.

"Bring me Rashford, Lingard, Jones
(Rooney, we will miss ya)
Sterling, Alli, Kane and Stones,
Then we'll beat Tunisia."
Coach and players, forth they came,
Fourth they came together
Through the third place play-off game
After much endeavour:

Six goals took down Panama
Belgium were much stronger
Scoring gave Colombia
Thirty minutes longer.
"Kick the football, not like me;
Tread up to it boldly."
England won by four to three,
Pickford was the goalie.

In his waistcoat Gareth stood,
Cheered to the rafters
Even though Croatia would
Beat us shortly after.
Therefore, Englishmen, be sure,
Everybody humming
"Football's coming home" once more,
Just a while coming...

what was I listening to?
The Very Best Of - 10cc
what was I reading?
Jeeves and the King of Clubs - Ben Schott
what was I watching?
How to Steal a Million
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