June 7th 2004
Well, I'm back. It was very refreshing not to be updating the site every day or so. It meant I had a chance to do revision... unfortunately, not a chance I took particularly well. To get back into the swing of things, I'll write a bit about Powly's birthday yesterday... I feel bad that I didn't get him anything... it kinda snuck up on me. I didn't even get him a card, cos the cards I found were either flower-covered rubbish, or had 'to a special grandson' on them. Maybe he is a special grandson, but wasn't sure enough of it to buy him the card. At short notice, I went to a pub with Powly and a few others, from whence we played pool (Powly and I won, after giving a team of three a head start) and programmed some songs into the jukebox which were mostly not played until we were going. One of the highlights of sitting outside the Vauxhall Inn waiting for a lift was watching a drunk man trying to walk in a straight line, then cross the road (a least, we thought he was trying to cross the road... he got there, anyhow). We also said hello to a couple of dogs, who didn't return the favour. In other news, since there was a low vote rate for last week's poll, I'm reintroducing comments. If you do want to send me abuse (single entendres about my admiration of Matthew Perry, for example) be aware that you can do so by e-mailing me, as well as commenting... I feel that I ought to write more on my first day back. Perhaps inadvertently criticise someone... I'll leave you with the news that Doug likes to break people's legs.
June 8th 2004
Amidst all the offers from pharmacies in Toronto, I found in my inbox today the fact that someone had signed my guestbook. Not for this site (the guestbook I put here disappeared some time ago, when I realised that it wouldn't be profitable to anyone). Fair enough: probably Simon... but no, it was Becca, whom I don't know, who went to my site in her lunch break. Now, I know that my site isn't on google (it was made before I had any concept of how to make a website. Yes, despite appearances, I do now have a concept of how to make a website) so I don't know where she got the address from. It was just nice to have something approaching a real e-mail amid all the spam. And boy do I get a lot of spam.
June 9th 2004
Let me write a little about film soundtracks, of which I own several. There are two different types of soundtrack, the instrumental-type, and the ones which are more songtracks: I have to say that I prefer the latter, since I'm not a big fan of listening to classical music: I do, however, have the Fellowship of the Ring soundtrack, and did have the Truman Show soundtrack (of which more later) which are totally instrumental, as are a couple of tracks on the Back to the Future soundtrack. From the Beatles, I have the soundtracks to Help! and A Hard Day's Night, but they are both basically regular Beatles albums, just happening to comprise (largely) of songs featured in the films. I also have the Yellow Submarine soundtrack, which is half instrumentals: the instrumental half is, not to put too fine a point on it, garbage. The best soundtrack I own, though, is probably that to Three To Tango, my second favourite film ever, mostly jazz songs. Back to The Truman Show as promised... I bought the CD second-hand from amazon, but realised that the music isn't so good when Jim Carrey isn't speaking over it, so later sold it. On amazon. Then a few weeks later, amazon recommended the CD to me based on my previous account activity. Not very impressive. For those of you who checked this site before this page was updated, I apologise. I don't know what came over me.
June 10th 2004
In my ramblings about film soundtracks yesterday, I forgot to mention that I have the Live Forever album, which claims to consist of songs 'from and inspired by Live Forever.' I'm not sure how the songs can be inspired by a film about them, made several years later, but I'm not complaining: the album would be better if it was on one CD, rather than two with the good songs spread out amongst some rubbish (and the obligatory Angels, which doesn't belong on the album at all). In other news, today was the first day I've voted... it may be for the European Parliament, and therefore unimportant, but it felt good to put my cross in that box (there's a euphemism in there somewhere)... those of you who are reading this and haven't voted may find incentive in the fact that I'm probably gonna make mext week's poll about it. Speaking of which, I was considering making a poll about Sky's hair (Neighbours), but I realised that there would only be two options, except for a 'who's Sky?' option that people might find funny. I realise none of that was coherent, but it was written because I thought she looked better with black hair, and I read somewhere that someone (now that's what I call specific) preferred it blond. Now, I'm normally one to side with blond hair, but in this case I have to say that she looks better with black. And blue. On a very similar topic, Simon frightened me yesterday by telling my that Carla Bonner's hair was dyed... I'm usually very bad at picking these things up, so he is probably right, but I'm distraught. Literally. There was something else I was going to say... but I can't remember it. Football coming up... as an Ireland fan, I can't say that this is exciting as the last World Cup (Ireland vs Spain being the most exciting game I've seen on TV) but still pretty good, especially when interspersed with Wimbledon (c'mon Tim!). Unfortunately, the final coincides with the first day of the Friends Marathon, so I'm gonna miss it... except, James says that if England are in the final, he wants to watch it, so we'll have to move the FM again... Luckily, England are going to be knocked out by Portugal, the eventual winners, in the quarter-finals. You read it here first. My first exam tomorrow... so I'll see you there, Ben. And anyone else who wants to join the party that is maths examination.
June 12th 2004
A while ago, I made a Top 3 of Everything website, which I more or less discontinued due to the errors on every page, and my imagination ran out. But, due to my male love of lists, I couldn't help myself from tabulating the most evil (recent) characters in Neighbours, the soap that everyone watches, but few will admit to watching (if you're in the company of people who won't admit it, they always know what happened yesterday, claiming they 'happened to be watching it...'). Anyways, Number one has to be Evil Gus... I mean, 'evil' is right in there in his name. For those of you not in the know, his evil deeds include buying a girl a puppy, doing lots of cleaning and cooking, and trying to kill Max. Number two is Darcy... first he was evil. Then he was nice, cos he loved Penny. Then Penny's sister (Sindi) kissed him and bribed him, so Penny dumped him. So he suddenly became evil again. He broke up Toadie and Dee. He pushed Lyn over. He did other evil stuff. Probably. Somewhere in there he saved Karl's life. Then, to avoid moral conflict, he told Susan that he was a bad, bad man. Third is Evil Harold, again because he has 'evil' in his name, despite not really doing anything very evil... he was rude to Trixie, which in my book makes him a saint. Anyway, enough about Neighbours. Can we have house lights on please? It's time to get serious. I don't do psychology, but I've been thinking recently; mankind is permanently involved in a search for love. When you're first born, you need a mother's love (or suitable politically correct alternative... blah). Later, you search for friendship. Then, you search for sex. Then, you search for a deeper relationship, for the love of one person. Once you've reached this pinnacle of love, there's nothing higher you can aspire to, so you're satisifed. Hopefully. I was gonna stretch that out for longer, but I can't be bothered. I'll end today's message with a complaint to Bradley, whose 'troubles with the server' have prevented him from uploading his 'completely finished' website. Get a move on, you big Tory.
June 14th 2004
Today this page is going to become something of a football-only zone (tying in with this week's poll... I know I said it would be about the European elections, but I changed my mind. Watcha gonna do?). As I write this, there have been four games played in Euro 2004, and I've watched at least part of all of them. Before I come on to the big match, I'd like to mention the other game that took place yesterday: Croatia vs Switzerland, which was not quite as exciting, finishing 0-0 and being something of a dive-fest. After five minutes, the first memorable moment of the match occurred as two players went near each other without one (or both) of them falling over and claiming a foul: the first time in the match that that had happened. Every thirty seconds or so a free kick was given, making for a very dull match (ironically, when Prso was booked for diving, it was one of the few occasions in the half that probably wasn't a dive). I didn't watch so closely in the second half (ie I didn't notice when one of the players was sent off) because the first half was so rubbish. In the words of Mark Lawrenson: "As a game of football, it's an excellent advertisement for rugby." Speaking of the BBC team, I have to say that Ian Wright should go as soon as possible: his immature and uninformed comments have no place in an otherwise largely intelligent group of pundits, and his inability to go ten minutes without arguing with the excellent Peter Schmeichel. On a similar topic, the BBC trailers for Euro 2004 (players appearing as works of art) have done well to put across the message that football is beautiful: ITV (ever dumbing down) have started running trailers wich begin with part of the BBC ad (or a clever imitation) before being interrupted with the voice of a man who, although not shown, is clearly fat and bald, shouting 'Shut up, you plank.' Evidently this was supposed to make us football fans reflect on the plankishness of the BBC but I'm afraid it just sent ITV's sport coverage down in my estimation, a hard job for anyone to achieve. Actually, to be fair, Andy Townsend doesn't do a bad job, but I still remember Gazza at the last World Cup desperately trying (and failing) to produce a coherent sentence. Anyways, on to France vs England: as an Ireland fan, I thought at the beginning of the match that I was going to be a neutral, but by the end I knew I wasn't: I wanted France to win. This might have had something to do with the fact that I've been telling my England-supporting friends that they were going to be sugarcaned by Zidane and co, but also something to do with the annoyingly/hilariously biased commentary I hear in every England match: when an England player dives, he is 'clever' or occasionally 'a bit naughty,' hypocrisy that no-one picks up on unless they're neutral. Beckham, for example, dived for the free-kick that got England a goal, but all the ITV team had to say was that it was okay, because 'he can deliver from there.' He also dived later on, and the slow motion replay from several angles was conspicuous by its absence. Indeed, churlishly, France's better moves were not replayed either, except the goals... but perhaps I ought to mention the game itself. First of all, it's the first time I've ever been impressed by Wayne Rooney: usually a thug, and not a particularly talented one (more yellow cards than goals in his career), he was making all the runs for England, whereas Owen did precisely nothing: the only time he got near the ball was when Rooney passed it to him. Of course, Rooney being Rooney, he had to react violently a couple of times, but when one of the French players (I think it was Lizarazu) tapped him on the cheek - hoping to be punched in return, no doubt - all Wayne did was push his arm away. Of course, Eriksson being the master tactician that he is (and fully worth £4m a year) he decided to sub Rooney, so that England's strikeforce at the end of the game was Heskey and Vassel. Enough to strike fear into the hearts of any paralympic team, but that's about it (good news for the Midlands, though, with Heskey a Birmingham player and Vassel plying his trade for Villa). Now might be a good time to mention Mr. Beckham: I have maintained for some time that he is not a good penalty taker, something which was not necessarily proven last night, but certainly a theory that was backed up. The time he scored against Argentina was the worst penalty that went in I have ever seen: had the keeper not jumped out of the way, it was saved: he just hit it as hard as he could along the ground. I believe he scored one again a bit later (not sure...) and then came the famous penalty which he hit ten times the height of the crossbar. Last night the penalty wasn't appalling, but when compared with Zizou's, it was lame (although, with Owen - who was anonymous all night - off the pitch, I'm not sure who else would take the penalty). Which brings me neatly onto Zidane, the player I was most looking forward to watching - I have to say, he was a bit disappointing for most of the match, unable to penetrate a packed England defence, but of course the truly great players can win a match even when they're not playing well. At half-time I predicted (in my head, unfortunately, so I couldn't gloat) that the game would end 2-1 to France, although I obviously didn't expect the goals to both come in stoppage time (just preparing anyone who didn't know what happened, there). Before the free-kick, I thought that there was no way he would score it (in fact, I tried to persuade myself there was no way, because when I'm completely sure there's no way a goal will go in, it usually does. Keith Curle equalising against Port Vale was the first time this theory was proven correct... in the words of Rod Stewart, I ain't superstitious, a black cat just crossed my path) but he curled the ball into the net in a way Beckham could only do on a computer game. When that went in, I was looking at the clock, and I really believed France could go one better... and then came Steven Gerrard. As I said before, truly great players can win matches, and so it transpired... although Gerrard managed to win it for the opposition. Why James wasn't sent off, I don't know (a red card should only be given if the player fouled had a 'clear goal-scoring opportunity,' which I believe Henry had... although this rule confuses me. The player brought down was Thierry Henry, so I reckon he had a clear goal-scoring opportunity. If the player brought down had been Carlton Palmer (who is yet to make the France squad), he wouldn't have had a clear goal-scoring opportunity...) Anyway, it was a penalty (no questions there) and Zidane showed Beckham how football should be played. Thinking about it, Becks and Zizou are the respective captains of their nations, yet neither are captain at Real Madrid (I don't think)... in fact (and I might show large gaps in my footballing knowledge here) of the players on the pitch, Vieira is captain of Arsenal, Gerrard is captain of Liverpool and I think Gallas is captain of Chelsea (not sure about that one). Just like Shearer before him, I'm not sure Beckham's a good choice for captain (although he's not done badly, he seemed to be rather patronising to his team-mates, clapping when they hit a pass straight out of play). Well, I think that's enough football talk from me today... I don't apologise to those of you who don't like football, cos you should. But just for you, I'll tack a non-football bit on the end: as people probably know, I'm teetotal and I haven't had so much as one driving lesson yet. I've finally seen the error of my ways: today I discovered that the slogan is actually 'don't drink and drive.'
June 15th 2004
Congratulations to Courteney Cox, who became a mother yesterday.
June 16th 2004
Urgh... just had a P6 exam. It was very much not good. I went into the exam pretty confident, since I had done well on the practice papers, but when I got in there, I found several questions that I couldn't really do. Unfortunately, they were mostly the 8 or 9 mark questions... I didn't think I needed to revise this morning (much), but there were things in the exam that I would have been able to do if I'd revised them (to be fair, revision wouldn't have helped me for most of the questions I probably got wrong, it was just one big one in question 1). Since I need to get an A in Further Maths, and P6 is almost certainly going to constitute part of Further Maths, I'm going to have to do much better in the rest of my maths exams. And I reckon P5 is harder than P6. On a similar note, I (almost) sent off my application for accommodation at Warwick... but decided to check everything through with the parents before finally sending it. Independence, eh? The main sticking point is whether I'd be happy to share a twin room - I reckon I would, but I'm not sure. On the bright side (regards P6), I thought M3 went worse at the time, but it turned out I did very well in it. So here's hoping.
June 19th 2004
Just in case people start to think I only mention England when they lose, congratulations to them for beating the Swiss. Although Rooney's second goal should have been an own goal, and he did well not to get sent off when h tried to kick the head off the goalkeeper. That out of the way, I was unlucky enough to see some early morning television this... morning... and I caught Lemonescent's subtle reworking of the Free classic All Right Now. They changed the word 'she' to 'he' (and 'her' to 'him'... it was that clever). They also wore short skirts and showed no signs of being able to sing. In other news, I was reading an interview somewhere with Kirsty Allsop, and she was talking about her appearance on HIGNFY; "it was very intimidating to be on a show with people as clever and funny as Ian Hislop and Paul Merton." What she forgot to add was the word 'respectively'. Still seven exams to go, including two STEP papers which are unnecessary and which I fully expect to fail (having done little preparation), but hopefully I can conceal from Warwick University the fact that I ever did them. Wimbledon comes up soon - I'll be shouting for Tiger Tim with the best of them (much to Simon's chagrin) and hopefully will see Matthew Perry like last year, as he was with Jennifer Capriati (an ex-girlfriend and still a friend), who obviously became my favourite female tennis player. Well, you've got to cheer someone on. However, Wimbledon does mean that Neighbours, a daily staple, is off for a fortnight (which will help my revision, I guess) and even when it's back, I'll miss it with the FM. Ah well. In other Matthew Perry news, we're planning to see The Whole Ten Yards next Friday, the first time I'll see Perry on the big screen. Hopefully it will still be showing then.
June 21st 2004
It's hard to imagine a world where people really care how I did in my exams, but in case you do, D&D went quite well today. Those of you who took AS or A2 maths may be wondering why a Further Maths student is taking this exam about a year after you did, but what can I say? That's the crazy world we live in. Again, the school decided to move the start of the exam back by some time (9.15 instead of 9.30) without actually going to the extremes of telling anyone, so Simon and I turned up a bit late (although not late enough to miss any of the exam itself). This week's poll is something I thought about doing a while ago, and am doing now because I couldn't think of anything better, and Simon's suggestion of 'do you like Virginia Woolf?' was, frankly, garbage.
Well, I bought most of Series 10 today, which is why I'm not spending money on anything ever again. Except when I go to see The Whole Ten Yards tomorrow (hopefully). I won't say how much it cost, because I don't have time, but suffice it to say that Simon refused to pay anything towards them.
I discovered just now that Yahoo! has picked up some of my links, as I believe the phrase goes... not all of them, yet, but if (for example) you search for "Crazy Apartments Man", I'm in there. Of course, the thing about frames is that clicking on the links won't allow you to have the contents bar, which renders the process useless, but fun nonetheless.
June 22nd 2004
Today I realised an ambition: seeing Matthew Perry on the big screen in The Whole Ten Yards (to read my views on the film, see Crazy Films Man). I went with Ian and James, a repeat of our Worcester City trips, which was nice... especially since we had the screen to ourselves at the odeon. This meant that we could move around, talk loudly, boo the Heineken ad, etc. and I could put them up to date with what was going on ("oh yeah, they're married to each other... didn't I say that?"). James was disappointed with the fact that Amanda Peet didn't take all her clothes off (well, she did, but he didn't 'see anything') so I promised I'd lend him the video of The Whole Nine Yards, in which she does, and you do 'see anything' (or should that be 'see everything'?). I then forgot to give it to him, although I wasn't sure how serious he was being, but he's welcome to it if he wants. Anyways... after about 20mins of the film, a girl came in to see if anyone was actually watching, and she seemed somewhat surprised to see that three keen fools were there, so she couldn't turn off the projector (after all, since it's shown 28 times this week, and it was 3.15pm on a Tuesday during term-time, the odds are that nobody would turn up). Nobody bothered to check our tickets when we went in, either... much later in the film, a guy came in, perhaps not believing his colleague when she told him people were watching the film. I hate to make a snap judgement when I come out of the cinema, but immediately afterwards I thought it wasn't that good, but thinking it over, I quite like it. Not Perry's best, but certainly not his worst...
June 25th 2004
July 10th: "England are going to be knocked out by Portugal, the eventual winners, in the quarter-finals. You read it hear first." That prediction came c/o this diary. Now all I need to do is predict Matthew Perry an Oscar for his performace in The Whole Ten Yards... anyways, I don't want to intrude on the grief felt by many... some... one or two of the people who might read this, so I'll try not to seem to smug. Let it be sufficient to make a couple of points: Beckham has cemented his already firm reputation as a terrible penalty taker - he can blame the spot all he likes, but he should never take a penalty for England again. Sol's disallowed goal probably should have been disallowed: John Terry's arm was over the keeper's shoulder, practically round his neck. It might seem a bit unfair, but I'd be surprised if a foul hadn't been given: my immediate reaction was that it wouldn't count... poor old Sol... shades of Argentina in 1998. Also, I love it when goalkeepers score goals, particularly when from the penalty spot... mabe it's because of my brief goalkeeping career for Eckington First School, maybe it's because of Jimmy Walker (or Jimmy Glass... I can never remember) for Carlisle, the most emotional moment I have ever seen on TV, maybe it's the irony that he slotted a beautiful shot into the bottom corner when strikers can't. Not being a England fan, I can't undergo the emotions of losing in that way, but I remember them all too well from Euro 96 (when I was an England fan) and Spain knocking out Ireland in the last World Cup (even Sheff Wed beating Wolves on penalties in the FA Cup a few years back, when they were still in the Premiership). In normal time (or even extra time, with the stupid new rules) there's almost always going to be a period of time when you're thinking 'if nothing changes, we're going to lose', be it eighty minutes or forty seconds. In a shoot-out, it suddenly happens, and you can't quite realise it... one shot puts you out. On the bright side, this means that the Friends Marathon won't be disrupted. Speaking of which, look out for the Evesham Journal this week or next.
June 26th 2004
So far in this week's poll every number except one has been chosen at least once... ooh... I'm not going to write much, except to do what Ben has done, and give you this link to fill your time. Apparently it took Ben about 25 minutes to figure it out. Well, it took me about 25 seconds... see how well you can do! Anway who read yesterday's post and marvelled at my footballing predictions might like to know that, of the four teams I predicted for the semi-finals, two didn't get past the group stage, and only one actually made it to the semi-finals. So not the greatest success... and happy birthday Laura. Who doesn't read this.
June 28th 2004
Simon astonished me yesterday by saying that he can't stand Tom Hanks. What's not to like? Tom Hanks is a great guy... Forrest Gump is a fantastic film, Catch Me If You Can is superb, I have distant recollections of Big being pretty good, and the fact that he made Cast Away watchable must make him some kind of genius. Anyways, this led me thinking about the question of taste: obviously, everybody thinks that their own taste is the best, otherwise it wouldn't be their taste, but there are a few things to watch out for. You know that someone is beyond all hope if: a) they find Coupling funnier than Friends; b) they find Futurama funnier than the Simpsons; or c) they find Bo Selecta funnier than putting on a pair of socks. I realise that this is only a measure of taste in humour... I'm more confident on that than other things, although I have to admit to not particularly liking The Office (in James Dockery I found the only other person I know who shares my opinion). Whilst I'm on the subject of television comedy, it would seem a shame not to mention the Friends Marathon, which begins in six days' time... because most of my time will be taken up with that, I won't be able to create a new Crazy Diary Poll Man that week (I hear the fabric of life being torn...) so you can just vote on the existing one. Regarding that, we're doing two series a day for five days (because there are ten series), so you can make your mind up how long we last (for the full schedule, click here). In other news, Euro 2004 is less than a week away from conclusion, so I think some sort of overview is called for... I did think about making a 'team of the tournament' type thing, but despite having seen at least part of every televised (terrestial) game, I haven't been paying attention enough, so I'll have to go for a few players that have caught my notice. Rooney, I leave to the chanters: yes, he's had a superb tournament, surpassing all expectations. But he's no Pele. Pele was a gentleman. The (only?) other English player to have done himself proud is Ashley Cole, who impressed me, but my favourite players of the tournament so far have both been Portugese: Ronaldo and Ricardo. Although Ronaldo wasn't able to express himself in the England game as much as he might have liked (thanks in part to Cole), in earlier matches he was superb to watch: whenever the ball came to him, I knew something was going to happen, and his cross for Rui Costa's goal against Spain or Russia (can't remember which) was excellent. And Ricardo, as I've mentioned before, is a goalkeeper who scored a penalty, and it doesn't take much more than that to make me happy. Anyways, rather than examine the footballers in depth, I thought I'd put together my favourite team of pundits from the ITV and BBC teams... because I knew how much that would excite you all. Hey, I wanna do it, so I'm gonna do it. In the anchor role, there's a choice between Lynam, Lineker and Logan... obviously, Gaby can't be picked. I'm sorry, but she's only there when Lynam can't be bothered to get out of bed, and she's a woman. This is football. And I'm araid that Lynam can't be the chosen one either, since he's no longer as good as Lineker; he may have the experience, but he just can't cut it any more, whereas Lineker has cemented his place as the best, as we'll see again on MotD next season. With Lineker has to be Alan Hansen: there's nobody who can touch him (I leave any innuedos to your own imagination), he's the best, and he knows it. Looking at the other BBC pundits, I've already nailed my colours to the mast for Peter Schmiechel, but recently he's been getting on Hansen's nerves, and can't take a joke (when it was suggested that he was criticising Sorenson, his replacement in goal for Denmark, he started to sulk). I might well have to keep him though - loyalty is important - but I won't put him next to Hansen. Ian Wright and Peter Reid were both dreadful, and Jamie Redknapp lived up to low expectations. Gordon Strachan certainly seems a good choice in theory - a manager's viewpoint is always useful (unless that manager is Peter Reid, of course), but I haven't seen enough of him to be sure how good he's been. Plus, we can't have too many Scots. On the ITV team, Ron Atkinson left a large gap as incoherent, old, overrated buffoon, but the gap has been aptly filled by Terry Venables and Robby Bobson between them. I much prefer to see some of the younger guys, such as Robbie Earle, Andy Townsend, even Ally McCoist (hmm... thinking about it, where's Barry Venison been for the last three years or so? He used to do a pretty good job on OTB). I think that I'm going to have to pick Andy Townsend, since he used to play for Ireland. Since I'm limiting myself to a team of four, there it is: Lineker, Hansen, Townsend and Schmeichel. A striker, a defender, a midfielder and a goalkeeper. An Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irishman. And a Dane. It would be nice to have a manager (or ex-manager) there... so maybe Martin O'Neill could appear from time to time, although he hasn't been on the BBC team this year. It's just a pity that John McEnroe can't be involved somehow... FOOTBALL STUFF ENDS HERE. That was for those of you who were scrolling down the page. In other news completely, I regret not being able to go to Laura's birthday celebration the other day... I had a number of reasons for not being there (not least that I have five exams this week... which is why I should stop typing this very soon) but still, it's a pity. "I rued the day once. Didn't get a whole lot else done."
June 29th 2004
I'm thinking that I should publish a book called 'Doug Loves...' based on the contributions of that nature to Crazy Diary Poll Man. What was at first annoying has become something of a comic art form... unfortunately, I've deleted some of the earlier efforts, partly in an effort to remove unserious comments, and partly to make Doug feel better. I remember that the two first efforts were 'Doug loves men' and 'Doug loves gays.' Since then we've had cockerspaniels, haagen-dazs, parakeets, colins cum, hard cocks, to bum wasps, lactating queens and Little Lady Fauntleroy. Okay, some of them aren't as hilarious as others, but still, better than the scribblings here. One of the more amusing aspects of it is that I don't actually know who contributes to the Doug loves... collection: is it one man? Is it a joint effort? Is there a team of stand-up comics working through the night to come up with the funniest combination of words possible? I may never know, but long may it continue. In other news, I had two exams today, both of which went better than I thought they would. Only three to go... eight hours worth, I believe. I curse the day I agreed to do the STEP papers.